jueves, 8 de enero de 2009

(for a heart is a home)


So what do you do when you are tired of having the blues? Well, you take out your green skinnies, dress in brighter colors than usual, listen to some funky music and start blogging again. 

But still... I feel like I kind of owe you guys an explanation. My posts lately have been on the sucky side of things and I'm surprised so many of you have kept checking this blog while I was having the blues and writing poor excuses for a post. You truly make me smile.

Things have been strange lately and life has felt like an emotional rollercoaster. A rollercoaster you can't ever remember buying the ticket for. The thing is, growing up, I was idealistic and romantic, and saw life as one of the beautiful novels that had shaped my youth. Love was overwhelming and honest.

Life taught me different. Love can be hard and it can easily change into something that has nothing to do with love and more to do with control, power and ego. Spent two years right before turning twenty in a bad relationship that I think I'm still working at overcoming. Started as intense overwhelming love, turned into something completely different. 

Now... well, I'm a bit on the skeptical side of things. I find it hard making myself vulnerable as I truly fear getting my heart broken. Not only that but... there is a world I live in. A world that I find in my room, in my books, in the gardens nearby my home, in my dog, in my music, my letters from highschool, the photos I've collected... that I find hard to show to anyone. I'm scared that if I let anyone in and it goes wrong, then my own private world will be corrupted by it. So I find it hard to let people in.

And, weirdly enough, most people think of me as lively and outgoing... I find it hard to reconciliate that with how I truly feel.

Phew... didn't plan to make it so personal, but that's how it came out. Also, Josefa left for Colombia earlier this morning so I'm a bit emotional. I don't think I'll be seing her soon and that's a bit hard. Remember how I was talking about my own private world? Well, I haven't let anyone in it in recent years in the way I've let her. 

I hope this didn't sound to self-pitying. I didn't mean it that way. I just wanted to share a bit. 

So again. Thanks.

And as a thank you treat, let me introduce you the wonderful Poladoodles, made by the uber talented Jinnie Lee.  Again, no words. But this time, in a good way.


14 comentarios:

Aisha dijo...

Será verdad que los pantalones verde-agua, ayudan?

No, nada. Es bueno verte de vuelta, Jime. Josefa se ha convertido en todo un personaje del blog! Sabes? Qué bonito es encontrar a una amiga así, aunque sea solo una, que no te fuerce a nada, que mientras te aconseje no
te quiera decir que 'necesitas cambiar', solo mejorar. Medio así me imagino a Josefa.

Yo tampoco sé si deberías permitir que aquel chico vuelva. Es el chico aquel que me contaste, cierto?. Muchos te pueden decir que sí o que no, seguro ya has escuchado uans cuantas opiniones... pero vale lo que tú pienses ante todo y cuando estás dispuesta a sacrificar por intentar de nuevo. A mi personalmente no me ha ido genial con las segundas oportunidades (en todo, no solo cosas de chicos).

Estos alti bajos te hacen más interesante aún, el ser humano es complejo, no sé por qué hay tantos estereotipos (como ese que mencionas de "la chica alegre y extrovertida").

Bueno. Mejor no me excedo, luego me emociono y termino escribiendo tonterías, ja.

Un beso, Jime.
Veámonos cuando estés libre!

Hippiegirl dijo...

i love your green skinnys :)

Mila dijo...

Hello sweety!
Thanks so much for expressing and sharing your feelings. Not sounding self-pity(?) at all!
It's beautiful how you wrote down your feelings and overthinking them so honestly.

Also, gorgeous polaroids, very sweet!

LOVE,

Mila.

Aisha dijo...

Me olvidaba de pedirte que cuando pudieras updatearas mi link, ya?

http://nerdy-trendy.blogspot.com/

:D

Romeika dijo...

I went through something similar one I was exactly your age. I had a similar vision of what love was and had my heart broken.. Of course everything changed, but it made me wiser and more mature as well. Love will come again for u, you'll see. Lovely pic btw, bright colours are the perfect antidote when one feels gloomy.

katrina dijo...

i hope you can make the right decisions dear :)
heartbreak fades in time. dressing in bright colors helps! :)

Eleh dijo...

i have a lot of respect for you for having the courage to speak up about this. love is but a complicated thing. someday, sometime, you'll meeet that special someone.

Sarah Von dijo...

Gorgeous photos, love. And the green skinnies suit you!

Hannah dijo...

I hate the blues. I've been having them lately, too. I hope everything works out!!

I just found your blog, and I love your posts! I'll make sure to visit again! :)

-Hannah

Emily Anne dijo...

I hope you feel better :)
I really love your blog, the photos are amazing!! Would you like to exchange links? Even though I'm putting you in my list right now, maybe you could return the favor? xoxo

Eve dijo...

hola! i like ur blog n enjoy reading it :)
would u be interested in exchanging links? :D

http://sunnynight-eve.blogspot.com/

PinkBow dijo...

lovely pictures, hope you are feeling better. a lin would be lovely
http://p-bow.blogspot.com

tis serendipity dijo...

Oh Jimena... I'm so sorry to hear about how your relationship ended... I do hope you'll feel better about things soon. I'm not too sure what to say to make you feel better because I don't want to end up saying the wrong thing... just know that you'll get through the phase eventually. Every night has to turn to day. And while a heart may not always heal entirely, it'll recover enough to love again, I'm sure of it.

On a side note, am really glad you're back to blogging again! =) I've missed reading your blog... Thanks for sharing so much of your innermost thoughts with everyone...

Hugs*

aubrey dijo...

ahhhh..i love your pictures!
very cute!:)