jueves, 8 de enero de 2009

(for a heart is a home)

So what do you do when you are tired of having the blues? Well, you take out your green skinnies, dress in brighter colors than usual, listen to some funky music and start blogging again. 

But still... I feel like I kind of owe you guys an explanation. My posts lately have been on the sucky side of things and I'm surprised so many of you have kept checking this blog while I was having the blues and writing poor excuses for a post. You truly make me smile.

Things have been strange lately and life has felt like an emotional rollercoaster. A rollercoaster you can't ever remember buying the ticket for. The thing is, growing up, I was idealistic and romantic, and saw life as one of the beautiful novels that had shaped my youth. Love was overwhelming and honest.

Life taught me different. Love can be hard and it can easily change into something that has nothing to do with love and more to do with control, power and ego. Spent two years right before turning twenty in a bad relationship that I think I'm still working at overcoming. Started as intense overwhelming love, turned into something completely different. 

Now... well, I'm a bit on the skeptical side of things. I find it hard making myself vulnerable as I truly fear getting my heart broken. Not only that but... there is a world I live in. A world that I find in my room, in my books, in the gardens nearby my home, in my dog, in my music, my letters from highschool, the photos I've collected... that I find hard to show to anyone. I'm scared that if I let anyone in and it goes wrong, then my own private world will be corrupted by it. So I find it hard to let people in.

And, weirdly enough, most people think of me as lively and outgoing... I find it hard to reconciliate that with how I truly feel.

Phew... didn't plan to make it so personal, but that's how it came out. Also, Josefa left for Colombia earlier this morning so I'm a bit emotional. I don't think I'll be seing her soon and that's a bit hard. Remember how I was talking about my own private world? Well, I haven't let anyone in it in recent years in the way I've let her. 

I hope this didn't sound to self-pitying. I didn't mean it that way. I just wanted to share a bit. 

So again. Thanks.

And as a thank you treat, let me introduce you the wonderful Poladoodles, made by the uber talented Jinnie Lee.  Again, no words. But this time, in a good way.

miércoles, 7 de enero de 2009


there are no words.